Could it be good looks?
No.
How about a fancy car?
No.
Tons of money?
Yes!
(keep reading by clicking below)
If you haven't figured it out, I was just kidding on that last part. Most women don't really care about those things (Although there are some who do. Make sure you watch out for kind of girls, mmmmkay? They trouble. Uh huh.)
What I'm really talking about is something greater than you.
It's having a sense of purpose...
When I initially started this blog, I wanted to help others thrive in the dating/relationship world as I was rediscovering the "dater" in me and relearning everything I knew about relationships.
Love and Happiness is not what we thought. I used to think that having a date every day of the week was enough to keep me happy. I used to think that if I was in a relationship, then life would be so much easier. I was wrong.There are many of us who were mislead.
We were mislead and tricked by the media that surrounded us growing up. We were tricked into believing that good looking people only go out with other good looking people. We were tricked into believing that being in a relationship is something to always strive for and it's better than being alone. We were tricked into believing that the initial honeymoon phase was love and it would last forever, despite all the high divorce rates these days.
To further enforce this idea, in the movie "500 Days of Summer", Joseph Gordan Levitt's character said...
"Isn’t that sweet? Ain’t love grand? This is exactly what I’m talking about. What does that even mean, love? Do you know? Do you? Anybody? If somebody gave me this card Mr. Vance, I’d eat it. It’s these cards, and the movies and the pop songs, they’re to blame for all the lies and the heartache, everything. We’re responsible. I’M responsible. I think we do a bad thing here. People should be able to say how they feel, how they really feel, not ya know, some words that some stranger put in their mouth. Words like love, that don’t mean anything. Sorry, I’m sorry, I um, I quit. There’s enough bullshit in the world without my help."
If you haven't seen the movie, his character works for a hallmark-ish card company. He gets fed up with love when his reality doesn't match up with his expectations. This happens when the female love interest (Summer) leaves him and marries another man. (Is it too late to say spoiler alert?)
Toward the end of the movie, JGL's character decides to finally stop using his focus towards the girl.
He instead pursues his dream of becoming a real architect. Ironically, when he uses less time thinking of Summer and uses more time for his sense of purpose, he ends up meeting Autumn at an architect interview. The movie ends and the audience can only assume that Autumn is the right one for him all along.
There's a book out there called, "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida.
In it, he talks about how important a sense of purpose plays in the role of man in a relationship.
Here are two scenarios I really like...
Scenario one:
woman: "I thought you were going to clean the garage today."
man (watching tv eating chips): "Yeah, I'll do it later after the game"
woman: "you know what.. I can't take this."
man: "What?? I said I"ll do it in a bit"
woman: (shatters a dish in the kitchen)
Scenario two:
(soldier and wife are standing on the platform of the train station. soldier is saying goodbye to his wife and is about to board the train..)
woman: "I wish you didn't have to go."
man: "Me too, but I have a duty to do and I need to serve my country."
woman: "But can't you just stay with me? We'll both be happy."
man: "You're right. Let's go home."
woman: (smiles but inside something is wrong)
Explanation time:
In scenario one, the woman is not upset about the garage. Rather, she is upset at the underlying theme which is whether her man can be trusted. He said he was going to do something and she sees him slacking off. She wants to feel that her man has control of his life and follow through with what he says he's going to do. She's has the right to freak out because she's thinking, "Oh gawd, can I even trust this man with my life?"
In scenario two, the woman is happy but not completely. It's nice that her man wants to stay but it's ultimately going to turn her off. Unknowingly, a woman needs a man to serve a higher purpose and something bigger to believe in. She doesn't want a man to bend so easily. Only boys do that. Men stand their ground and keep marching on because it's the right thing to do.
So guys... find/act on your purpose. Cater to your girl whenever you can, but you better get back on that 9-5. You shouldn't focus too much attention on your girl, otherwise you will lose yourself in the process (you'll get fat and you won't be able to ride roller coasters. and random people will throw artichokes on your lawn) and ultimately your relationship will suffer. So show your woman you care by acting out your sense on purpose day in and day out.
You purpose can be anything, but it has to mean something to you. It's something that you know you might never achieve completely, but you're willing to try.
It can be:
-To serve others and improve on yourself
-To be a good writer and inspire others
-To be a good husband/father/brother/son
-To discover everything this world has to offer
Personally, my purpose is to shape myself into the man I hope to become someday. I want to be use/discover whatever talents I have to help other people. I want to live consciously as possible and stay in the present moment. Ultimately, I just want to make my family and friends proud so I can leave this earth without any regrets.
And girls... Find yourself a man with a purpose. Also, keep up the good work. Apparently, the author of the book says that the number one job of a woman is to love. Awww.. that's sweet :)
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