Happy New Years Everyone..
It's been 3 days into 2014 and I already feel a change.
I feel hopeful, energetic, strong, youthful, focused, optimistic, appreciated; but most importantly happy.
As we all march onward to the New Year with a different beat and much anticipation, I can't help but feel much relief that we escaped 2013 in one piece.
2013 will be a year I will never forget.. Although it was a year of unforgettable and amazing moments, it was also the year I hit rock bottom.
And as I type this post, I am hesitant to share this personal story of mine.. but I am an actor.. I am a poet.. I am a writer.. I am an artist.. And as an artist, it is my obligation to share the truth.
When we hear stories about people with depression, it's so easy to criticize and judge. We think that depressed people are just being ignorant and ungrateful. We think that depressed people are being selfish and needy for attention. We really don't understand them at all until we go through it ourselves.
Depression is like being in stuck in a cage everywhere you go. This cage is heavy and offers very little ventilation and is hard to breathe. What's worst is that there are no windows; there was no light at the end of any tunnel.
It made absolutely no sense to me. Why was I trapped??
Outside, my friends and everyone who knew me saw a good looking guy who had nothing to worry about.
But I was worried every second of the day.. I was worried for my life. I was terrified about what I could potentially do to myself in order to stop this pain..
I did everything I possibly could.. I talked to friends.. I talked to a counselor.. I talked to God.. I prayed.. I cried.. I wanted it to stop..
I felt stupid, silly, and extremely selfish.
Everyone has worst problems than I did, but why did I feel this way??
Alcohol, drugs, exercise didn't help either..
Then one day I did exactly what I had in mind to do to myself ..
I killed myself....
One day, I found a box full of death certificates at work and I thought to myself, "If I'm going to end it, it's going to be by my own terms.."
I took one of the cards and started to fill it out:
Name: Michael P. Mora..
Age of Death: 87
Occupation: Actor, Writer, Teacher, Traveler
Suddenly, I got carried away and started to get excited. On the back I started scribbling my own obituary.
Michael Mora passed away on a nice Sunday afternoon. He was asleep at the time of passing. If one word described him; Michael was a lover. He loved his family, friends and community. He loved his job and taught others about love. His legacy and endless smiles will never be forgotten. He leaves behind his wife, two children, and 8 grandchildren. Michael inspired everyone when he finally married the girl of his dreams by saying, "I do believe that behind every great man, there is a great woman... but I personally believe he must achieve greatness first because no great woman would tolerate anything less.. I became great because I love my wife.. She is great and I want to be great for her."
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After writing and reviewing the life I wrote out, I became envious. I wanted THAT life.
I realized that only I can escape my own prison and that no one is coming to help me. It's all on me..
Suddenly there was a crack in my cage. I saw the light.
I broke out of that cage but I keep whatever remains so I can remind myself of how far I've gotten.
I got a new job, new life and new soul for this new year.
I constantly look forward to progression. I want to be good at anything and everything that life offers. Because if you're not in a state of progression, you'll find yourself in a state of depression.
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So my advice to you?
Take control of whatever situation you're in. You have all the power and resources than you think you do. If you don't like the life you have then you better start writing yourself a new one. Don't get discouraged either.. Change doesn't happen over night. CONSISTENCY is the main ingredient for success. Do it everyday and fall in love with the progress.
This is a New Year full of possibilities and hope. I hope you reach whatever you're goals are for this year whether it's health, love, or happiness.
As for me.. I'm going to continue living the life I love living.
Thank you for you time and allowing me to share my story.
Love,
Michael Mora
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